The best way to build trust at work.
2 min read
Trust is a conviction that is built slowly, through repeated interactions that take place over a period of time. But during Covid it’s been particularly difficult to establish among team members who may never have met each other in person, and even more so for people who newly entered the workforce or switched jobs during the pandemic.
And while some of us will be going back into the office soon, others will not be going back at all, and most of us will only be there for two or three days a week. How can we build trust under these circumstances? How can we form more meaningful connections in this new era of work?
I’d like to introduce the Costly Signaling theory, which states that small gestures can make a big impact and how emotional acknowledgment influences interpersonal trust.
Acknowledging other people’s emotions can strengthen social relationships at work.
The simple act of verbally acknowledging how your coworkers are feeling can help you form deeper connections with them. For example, saying to a coworker, “Hey, you seem upset,” leads people to see you as more trustworthy — not only the person whose emotions you are acknowledging, but also any observers who witness the act.
Why? It turns out that emotional acknowledgment is perceived as an effortful act. Because it’s so easy to feign ignorance when a colleague looks upset, most people avoid getting involved. But when someone proactively and voluntarily acknowledges the person in distress, they are communicating that they care enough to invest in that relationship.
Acknowledging negative emotions boosts trust more than acknowledging positive emotions.
Most people see acknowledging negative emotions as being more costly in terms of time, attention, and effort. But it turns out this additional cost is also rewarding. When you acknowledge negative emotions, people feel that you care more, and therefore are more willing to trust you.
Acknowledging emotions boosts trust more than acknowledging the situation.
People give more credit to those who call out their emotions directly (“You seem upset”) than those who call out the situation (“Looks like your meeting went poorly”). Emotions are fundamental to our identities and inner experiences. When someone acknowledges our emotions, rather than the situation, we feel more validated and humanized. When you’re in a good mood, you might not need additional support, but by acknowledging a negative emotion, the acknowledger is still signaling a readiness to provide it if that becomes necessary.
If we accept that it’s beneficial to acknowledge others’ emotions at the workplace, why aren’t more people doing it?
Even if people believe that acknowledging negative emotions leads to stronger social connections, they do it less often in their daily lives because:
they think it is risky
it requires an investment of time, energy, and effort.
Remember, how we respond to other people’s emotions provides us important information about our social relationships. Does this person understand me? Does this person care about me? Do I have a high-quality relationship with this person? When we acknowledge emotions, we give people the safety and license to express themselves. And during this time of hardship, talking about and sharing how we feel is vital for strengthening bonds, building interpersonal trust, and expediting collective recovery at work.
